There’s nothing naturally wrong with being friendly or kind to someone. But sometimes, going out of your way to try to keep others happy is something we do to avoid disappointing others.
However, it’s hard to stay true to yourself when you’re constantly changing your actions and words based on what you think others want.
When you shift your focus and energy on pleasing other people rather than focusing on yourself and your happiness, you may develop low self-esteem and feel like there are too many expectations of you.
Below are four tips that will enable you to stop being a people-pleaser.
Do Not Try to Fit In
Do not try to fit in. Always remember that being real to yourself is the most important thing. Stop doing things just to show you’re worthy in someone else’s eyes. If someone asks you to do certain things that go against your principles or values, remain firm in doing what is right for you.
Learn To Say No
Learn to say “NO”. Sometimes those who want to please people find it hard to say “no”. You do not have to say “yes” to every request someone makes. I told a client once that she did not have to respond to every text message. She looked like I had murdered her dog.
It is important to learn to say “no.” Say “no” if someone asks you for something you don’t want to do or can’t do, or if it is something you can’t handle. Just remember saying “no” doesn’t mean you are being selfish when you need to. You are looking out for yourself.
Set boundaries. This coincides with “say no,” as people-pleasers are usually oblivious to the limitations they need to set in their lives. But you must notice what is happening and observe things that need to change. Try making a list of the things you do that make you feel uncomfortable or used, and rank them in order of significance with the most uncomfortable items on top. Then start trying to plan ways to eliminate or minimize the top three things on this list. Maybe this means that you don’t drive the carpool every day or that you don’t organize the work holiday dinner anymore. And remember – this does not make you selfish.
Spend Some Time Alone
Spend some time alone. Learning to spend time by yourself is necessary for your mental and physical health. Many of us are afraid of being alone because we worry that we will become lonely, bored, or uncomfortable. However, these ideas come from a modern society with its hyper-connected world that doesn’t always favor us. Spending time alone can help you discern your thoughts, feelings, and needs. It can also help you realize what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Knowing yourself better helps you make excellent decisions for yourself, set the proper boundaries, discover your purpose, and remain focused on your goals.
Ending your people-pleasing ways can be a daunting task. That’s OK. Practice these tips every day and remember that you can’t make everybody happy. For more strategies when it comes to relationships, please read about relationship counseling for women and call me soon for a free consultation.