Your relationship sometimes feels like you’re riding a rollercoaster. And not in the fun way… in the second-guessing-sometimes-fun-but-sometimes-anxious way. 

You’ve tried to reassure yourself that everything is fine.

You’ve tried to only focus on the good times, and not the scary parts of the rollercoaster ride.

But everything you’ve tried hasn’t made you feel more secure as a couple.

This is so relatable to many of my clients. They’ve normalized the “rollercoaster” relationship and don’t know how to get on a more even course, or if that’s even possible.

There ARE steps you can take on your own to help your relationship run more smoothly.. 

And the first step is to acknowledge your own feelings. 

You’re bound to have conflicted feelings about your partner occasionally, especially after you’ve been together a long time. Denying your doubts and fears will just make the ride more scary. Once you’ve accepted them, you can start to look at your feelings through a lens of acceptance and objectivity. 

Other Steps You Can Take By Yourself

  • Develop your own sense of inner security. Pursue meaningful personal goals. Celebrate your independence. Talk to yourself in a loving, compassionate way.  When you feel more confident and secure, you’re less likely to project doubt on your relationship when there shouldn’t be much doubt OR you’re more likely to believe the doubt that you’re feeling in your gut.
  • Manage your own stress. A healthy lifestyle will keep you more resilient.
    • Get plenty of good quality sleep.
    • Eat right and exercise regularly.
    • Use alcohol in moderation.
    • Find relaxation methods, like meditation or massage, that work well for you.
  • Try new things. Expand your comfort zone. Take dance lessons or volunteer in the emergency room at a local hospital. You may develop a new sense of assurance and become even more fascinating.
  • Maintain your family ties and friendships. Healthy couples rely on a broad base of support. Spend time with your family and friends. Get to know your neighbors.

Steps You Can Take With Your Partner

  • Communicate effectively. Communication skills are fundamental to any stable relationship. Talk to each other openly and with respect. Pick neutral times for tackling sensitive subjects. Listen attentively and give your partner your full attention instead of focusing on what you want to say next.
  • Provide mutual support. Celebrate your interdependence. Share household chores and parenting responsibilities. Offer your spouse a quiet afternoon at home while you take the kids out shopping for school shoes.
  • Resolve conflicts peacefully. Expect to disagree at times. Try to see each other’s position and look for ways to compromise. Stay calm and be willing to apologize.
  • Accommodate each other. Be flexible when there is no risk to your wellbeing or core values. Take turns visiting each other’s family on the holidays. Volunteer for extra errands when you know your partner has a tight deadline at work.
  • Stay close. Flirt with each other. Hold hands when you go out to the movies. Read interesting news stories aloud over breakfast. Put out a vase of fresh flowers in your bedroom.
  • Consider classes and counseling. Being willing to accept expert assistance is a sign of strength. Couples’ classes can help you learn communication skills and new ways of interacting. Counseling can help you break through issues that are difficult for you to resolve on your own.

How Relationship Counseling for YOU Can Help

If you’re a woman who is really committed to getting OFF the relationship rollercoaster and to feeling more secure with yourself and your partner, I’m the therapist for you. I offer a blend of therapy and coaching techniques in my four-month program to help you find the stability you’re craving. Join me by emailing or calling me to schedule a free discovery call!

To find out more about my online relationship counseling for women in Kentucky, click here.