A reflection from Lynn Jacobson, MD
One of the biggest misconceptions I hear is that acceptance means giving up.
It doesn’t.
Many people tell me they don’t want to “accept” their anxiety, a chronic illness, a difficult relationship, or a painful life circumstance because it feels like saying, “This is fine. I’m okay with it.”
But I don’t think that’s what acceptance means.
Acceptance is acknowledging reality—not because you like it, but because it’s already here.
When We Argue with Reality
There’s an important difference between these two statements:
“I don’t like that this happened.”
and
“I wish this hadn’t happened, so I’m going to spend all of my energy arguing with reality.”
The first statement leaves room to move forward.
The second often leaves us feeling stuck.
Acceptance Creates Space
We often imagine that acceptance is the finish line—that once we accept something, we’ll stop feeling sad, angry, frustrated, or disappointed. But emotional acceptance rarely works that way. Most difficult experiences come in waves. Some days you may feel at peace with what’s happened. Other days, you may find yourself grieving all over again.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means you’re human.
Acceptance doesn’t erase grief. It doesn’t make loss fair. It doesn’t mean approving of depression, chronic illness, divorce, infertility, or any other painful experience.
It simply means we stop asking reality to become something it isn’t.
Ironically, many people discover that when they stop spending so much energy fighting the fact that something is true, they have more energy available for what still matters.
That doesn’t mean you stop hoping for change or stop working toward something better. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or another challenge, there may be many things worth addressing. Acceptance isn’t passive. It’s not resignation.
It’s choosing to invest your energy where it can actually make a difference.
You can acknowledge that something is deeply painful…
…and still choose how you want to respond today.
Those two things can exist together.
If you’re facing something difficult right now, perhaps the question isn’t:
“How do I become okay with this?”
Maybe it’s simply:
“Can I acknowledge that this is hard—and still take one small step forward today?”
That step might be asking for help.
It might be calling a friend.
It might be taking a walk, scheduling an appointment, or simply allowing yourself to stop pretending that you’re fine.
Acceptance doesn’t erase pain.
But it often creates enough space to begin moving through it rather than feeling trapped by it.
Sometimes, that’s enough.